Endings Bring New Beginnings
by Renee Shepard
Summary: Part 2 of The Long Night. Whole new ending to the Mass Effect Trilogy. Shepard is faced w/ the pressure of defeating the Reapers but after a discovery, she must be faced with more heart-wrenching obstacles & decisions. W/ her crew by her side, she must stand up to the Reaper threat and fight for the future. Much thanks to proofreader Arcana Mortis! M for sensuality & mild language.
1. A Future

It has been nine days since Kaidan and Shepard had spent the night on the Citadel. Every night since had been just a normal night: Kaidan going up to Shepard's cabin, having a drink, and sleeping soundly. Shepard told Kaidan about where her shoes mysteriously came from and it seemed to have provided a good laugh for the both of them. Her cut had healed but a subtle scar was left behind to remind her of her mistake. She tried hard to let it be a reminder of that night rather than the pain from alcohol soaking into it. _Bad flashback._

The elevator door opened. Shepard walked out and looked around to make sure no one was staring at her. It was late into the night or whatever time it was. Either way, people had been sleeping for a little while. She had been messaging Kaidan relentlessly from her cabin; arguing about who should go to who's room for the night. She lightly ran down the left hallway to the Starboard Observation deck. She softly knocked on the door and it opened. Kaidan was standing right in front of her. She pushed him further into the room and the door closed behind her. Her hands formed fists and effortlessly pounded on his chest.

"You are such a punk!"

"Haha. Is it such a pain coming down here? I come up every night and I don't complain!"

"Well it's different. I'm the C.O."

"Oooh. Excuse me, Ms. I-Follow-The-Regs."

He took her hands in his.

"Whatever!"

Shepard pulled her hands out of his grasp and sat down on the right couch. She took the pins out of her hair so that it fell down her back and gazed out the window. There were billions of stars visible from the view. Kaidan shut off the lights and sat down next to her. The stars illuminated the room with an ethereal, blue glow. To Kaidan's eyes, Shepard's face glistener with light. Her skin appeared so soft and perfect. He threw his arm around her shoulders as she allowed her body to fall into his grasp, resting her head on his shoulder.

"It looks so peaceful from here."

"Huh. Even outer space can be deceptive."

"Damned Reapers just have to ruin everything, don't they?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

He rubbed her arm with his hand that wrapped around her shoulders. Shepard's eyelids started to bob up and down from her drowsiness.

"Tired?"

"A little. Yeah."

"Wanna lay down?"

"Uh. Sure."

"Okay. Let me lay some blankets down."

Kaidan treated her gently by laying her head delicately on the cushion of the couch. He walked to the shelf and grabbed some blankets from the bottom. Having them laid out on the floor along with a few pillows made a nice bed. Kaidan came over to Shepard and carried her like a baby to the bed. He carefully set her down.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

Kaidan laid down next to Shepard. Her hoodie wasn't enough to keep her warm so she continued to shiver a little. Kaidan pulled a plush, white comforter over her and wrapped his arms around her. His skin sent a sensation of heat through Shepard's body that freed her from the shivers.

"You cold?"

She snuggled closer.

"Not anymore."

Kaidan snickered under his breath and held her tighter, burying his face into her hair.

The stars seemed so bright. Shepard tried to count as many as she could but always lost track after five.

"Damn it."

"Trying to count the stars, Shepard?"

"It's so hard."

"Ha. That's why you don't try."

"You sound like my father. He always took me into the Starboard Observation deck of his ship when i was young and showed me all the constellations. He knew so many."

She looked back at the window.

"I always tried to count the stars and would lose track on my fingers."

"You must've been such a cute little girl."

"Ha. A little brat maybe!"

"I can only imagine."

They laughed harmoniously.

"Every child has their moments."

"Very true."

The room fell silent. Shepard closed her eyes and nestled closer.

"Kaidan?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think that we will make it through the end of this?"

Kaidan sighed. _Not this subject again._

"You have so much doubt, Shepard."

"Well! No one has ever faced the Reapers and was victorious."

"Then we will be the first."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Just like we haven't faced the Reapers, the Reapers have never faced us. We have a chance. Look out far we have come! All we need is that damned Catalyst and we can win this thing!"

"I guess. But it's not as easy as it sounds. Nothing ever is."

"I didn't say it would be easy. Why are you so worried anyways? Just focus on destroying the bastards and then everything else will fall into place."

"Well...Kaidan-"

Shepard's sentence trailed off. Kaidan lifted his head so he could see her face better. He waited for her to finish her sentence but the words weren't coming out.

"Kaidan-I just want to have a normal life. A life with you by my side. Is it too much to ask?"

She took a deep breath.

"I want a life without the Reapers. Without worry. Seems like only a dream but it's a dream worth fighting for I guess."

Shepard sat up and crossed her legs. Her hands fell into her lap and she looked back at the stars.

"Have you ever thought about it, Kaidan? Don't you want a chance to settle down? Get married-"

She stopped at that word. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. Her faint sobs tore at Kaidan's heart. He didn't like watching her cry.

"Hey..."

He sat up behind her and grabbed her arms pulling her closer to him. Resting his head in the crest of her neck, he tried to calm her down with soft kisses. His hands fell onto her hips and climbed up her torso. Shepard clutched his hands and followed them as he embraced her body.

"Shepard," he whispered. His voice was as soft as silk. "Is this what you want?"

He kissed her cheek. His lips, warm and comforting against her skin.

"More than anything."

Shepard tried to avoid eye contact with Kaidan. She continued to sniffle and restrain more tears from falling.

"Well then, Shepard. Marriages always start with one thing."

His lips brushed across her neck gently.

"Shepard," he took his hand and cupped it around her face so she could face him. "Will you marry me?"

Shepard smiled and shifted her body to face him. Her hands moved up and down Kaidan's neck. She came closer to his face, just barely touching his nose with hers.

"Yes."

Her lips touched his and soon her arms were wrapped around his neck. Kaidan's arms grew tighter and tighter around her body as they continued to kiss. He carefully set her back on the floor and climbed on top of her. Shepard tugged at his shirt and he pulled it off. Kaidan's lips danced on her neck as she started to unzip her hoodie. He pulled away for a second to catch a breath. Shepard pulled off her hoodie and grasped his face in her hands.

"We are crazy."

"Well, as Wrex used to say, _sometimes crazy is the best way to go_."

Shepard laughed and kissed him again. She pushed him over and climbed on top of him, sitting on his waist with her hands on his abdomen.

"And I only settle for the best."

A smirk smeared across her face as she started to unbutton her pants. She threw herself against his body and kissed him. Kaidan gently clawed his hands down her back. Once his hands reached her hips, he tossed her over on her back and crawled on top. His body began to tingle and radiate with the blue, biotic glow. He kissed her and cradled her securely under him. Shepard pulled away to take a small breath.

"I love you, you know."

Kaidan smiled.

"I love you too, Shepard."

Shepard blushed and pressed her lips against his.


	2. Concern

Her eyes opened. Shepard's legs were entangled with Kaidan's and her body was caressed by his arms. Shepard looked to see if Kaidan was awake and was disappointed to see his eyes closed and hearing his soft snore. She rubbed her eyes with her hands and sat up. Kaidan's arms loosened and let go of her. Her body squirmed out of the blankets trying not to wake him up and grabbed her hoodie and pants off of the floor to put them back on. _What time is it?_ Shepard stood up and pulled the blankets over Kaidan back to how they were. She let out a long exhale and pinned her hair back up in a bun. Shepard was still a little drowsy from waking up but she continued to walk towards the door. She turned around to look at Kaidan before she left. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. Dreamless. Serene. Tranquil. She didn't have the heart to even try and wake him up. She had no reason to either.

Liara, Traynor, and EDI were still trying to hunt down Kai Leng. The bastard even with a tracker couldn't be found so easily. Until then, all the crew could do was prepare for the final assault; mod every weapon, boost morale, and ready your mind for what's to come. It's hard to ready your mind for something you have never tried before, let alone what-is-supposed-to-be your last fight: the final strike against the Reapers. Everyone's only hope. Humanity's only hope. Shepard's only hope. And it all weighed upon her to take advantage of that one hope. And all they needed was the Catalyst. _Yay._

Shepard sat down at the large dining table and continued to rub her face with her hands to wake herself up. All it seemed to do was put her back to sleep. Her eyelids started to shut but soon were opened back up from the sound of a familiar voice.

"Shepard?"

"Hmm?"

Shepard turned around only to be welcomed by Liara walking towards her.

"Hey!"

"Shepard, what are you doing awake? Everyone is still resting."

"Couldn't sleep that much."

Liara sat down next to Shepard.

"Tossing and turning, were you?"

"Huh. A little. Yeah."

Liara raised her eyebrow. "I didn't hear the elevator...were you-"

"Ssssssshhhhhhhhh."

"Shepard."

She let out a long sigh.

"What?"

"There _are_ regs on Alliance vessels, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Liara gave Shepard a stern look.

"I know you and Kaidan have something special but sometimes..."

"Sometimes what?"

"Sometimes you have to be a bit more cautious!"

Shepard raised her eyebrow.

"I mean-sometimes it seems as though you deliberately ignore the regs."

"What are you saying? I'm taking advantage of Kaidan's kindness?!"

"No!" Liara bit her lower lip. "Sorry, Commander, I...didn't mean to vociferate- raise my voice. I am just worried about you getting caught. That's all. Good thing Alliance Command is not aware of it or else both of you would be in trouble."

"Well I appreciate your concern but-Kaidan means a lot to me. I have my priorities. If my decision meant my position of authority or my relationship with him, then I think we both know which path I would take."

"And that is what scares me, Shepard."

Liara's hand reached for Shepard's.

"Your relationship has gone very far. It's impressive," she paused. "I have never seen anyone look at someone with so much...adoration. Affection. It's something very admirable."

There was a short silence.

"But it is a weakness, Shepard. There's no way of that going unnoticed."

"I know," Shepard took a deep breath. "I also know that the Illusive Man will do all he can to hurt me...which will, without a doubt, involve hurting Kaidan."

Shepard looked down at the floor. Trying not to think about it was just as difficult as thinking about it for Shepard. She knew that thinking about it would tear her apart but not thinking about it would only leave her in more shock if it did happen. Either way, she was suffering. And she couldn't do a thing about it.

"I mean, Shepard. Sometimes it seems as though you two should just run off and get married with how much heart you get in your eyes when he stares at you!"

The words after 'married' were a bit blurry to Shepard. She was engaged. Sort of. She said yes. That was a proposal. And yet no one knew about it. Not even Liara: the broker of all brokers who knew everything. Everything besides this. What if she knew? Would she turn Shepard in? Would the Alliance find out? How would Shepard be able to stand NOT telling anyone? Eventually they will have a wedding ceremony. At least, she could only hope.

"Shepard!?"

"Huh? What?"

"You're zoning out! Are you alright?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry."

"Are you sure you are not tired?"

"Never said I wasn't."

"Let's make a deal. You either crawl back into Kaidan's room and go back to sleep or I will drag you back into your cabin by force to sleep in your cold bed alone. So which one?"

"Eeeeehhhhhh."

Shepard stood up and walked like a zombie towards the Starboard Observation Deck.

"Get rest, Shepard! It might be the last chance you get!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Liara shook her head and walked back into her room.

The blankets felt warm. Warmer than the outside world at least. Shepard closed her eyes hoping to fall asleep any second. She felt Kaidan's arms gradually embrace around her torso as they were before. All she could do was smile and snuggle closer to his body. In moments, she found herself slipping away into slumber.


	3. Plans

"EDI, I want all elite squad-members to report to the War Room ASAP. Priority One."

"Yes, Commander."

Kaidan pulled his shirt over his head.

"Heard you get up for a little bit."

"Oh, yeah."

"Psh. _Oh yeah_?"

"What?"

"Were you okay?"

"Yeah. Just needed to take a breather I guess."

Shepard's words were transparent. Kaidan knew she was lying, but he also knew that it would take a little bit of tugging to eventually pull the answers out.

"_Okay_."

The sarcasm was written all over his face when he said that. Shepard snuck an impudent dirty look at Kaidan and rolled her eyes as she walked passed him towards the door.

"Hey."

Right when she passed him, he grabbed hold of her hip and twirled her body to face him. In an instant, his lips were on her skin. She felt her back touch the wall behind her. The warmth of his breath followed by the welcoming touch of his mouth traveled up Shepard's neck and behind her ear. Her fingers laced in his hair as his hand up her thigh.

"Um...Kaidan...uh..."

Shepard was interrupted with a kiss. She couldn't even remember what she was going to say but soon she pulled away.

"Kaidan. We need to go."

Direct eye contact only seemed to worsen the situation for Shepard but she resisted.

"You sure?"

"Yes!" she laughed. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay..."

They remained in the same stance against the wall, staring at each other and smiling.

"Damn it, Kaidan. We have to go!"

Shepard pushed herself out of Kaidan's grasp and darted to the elevator.

"Where is Shepard?"

Liara was pacing back and forth.

"EDI, you said that the Commander wanted us all here, right?"

James had his arms crossed and his shoulder leaning against the doorway of the Comm Room.

"Yes, James."

EDI's metallic, recorded voice echoed in the room.

"Primitives. Hmph. Never patient."

Liara and Garrus both glared at Javik in disgust.

"What?"

The sound of footsteps came closer to the War Room from down the hallway.

All they could hear was Shepard's voice irritably arguing with the doorkeepers saying: "Do you really have to scan me every time? This is ridiculous!"

She ran through the door.

"I'm here!"

Kaidan walked in casually behind her and leaned against the wall.

In response, the crew replied a combination of greetings all at once.

Tali shook her head saying, "Kee'lah."

"About time," James said unfolding his arms and standing up straight.

Traynor unenthusiastically yelled, "Yay."

No one was really sure what Garrus meant to say but somehow the word "calibrations" was incorporated.

Liara exhaustedly said "finally" and Javik maintained his frequent, grim stare.

EDI didn't attempt to say anything but rather just shook her head.

"So...as you all know," Shepard started walking awkwardly to the middle of the room. "Our current objective is bringing the fight to the Cerberus Base, wherever that is. Any updates on the search? Anybody?"

Shepard looked back and forth between each person in the room.

No one said anything.

"Well..."

"Liara?"

"Traynor and I did find something."

"Let's hear it."

"The tracker that was on Kai Leng was very helpful. Thanks to Lieutenant Lawson, we may actually have a lead on the Cerberus Base."

"Go on."

"After the events on Sanctuary, his tracker indicated that he went somewhere in the Horsehead Nebula. Travels beyond that are a bit harder to pinpoint but nothing is impossible with EDI around to help."

"EDI, do you think you could handle decoding the destination we're looking for?"

Shepard looked at EDI.

"Yes, Shepard. Knowing Cerberus, they will have various security overrides and shields in the area making their location difficult to find."

Garrus joined the conversation.

"There has to be a faster way of doing this. We can't just sit around and waste time."

Shepard turned back towards EDI.

"Garrus is right. What are we to do in the meantime? How long will it take?"

"I cannot state a particular time frame. You can in the meantime, prepare for the assault."

"Isn't that what we've been doing the last week?" James asked.

Everyone geared their attention towards Shepard.

"There is nothing else we can do, James."

"Commander! There are millions dying every day! And all you can say is _there is nothing else we can do_?! Screw this, Shepard!"

"James."

"We should be on Earth right now for God's sake! What the hell are we doing, lazing around?!"

Kaidan unfolded his arms and walked down the stairs towards James.

"James...stand down."

The rest of the crew just shook their heads and stared at James as he ranted. Shepard's hands formed fists at her sides.

"Why not just go? The Reapers are the threat! So let's go fight the threat!"

Liara's biotics started to glow as James heated up. She activated a weak warp in her hand and threw it in the direction of James.

"Ey?!"

"He said stand down. And before someone gets hurt, I think you should listen."

James lowered his arms and mumbled under his breath.

"As much as I would like to go to Earth, James, we can't. Not without the Crucible complete. We would just be wasting our time on Earth. EDI, I want this top priority until it's finished. Everyone else, report back to your stations. Let's just take advantage of the small time we have left. Ready your weapons, get some rest, prepare your mind. Are we clear?"

In unison, everyone replied, "Clear."

Shepard let out a long sigh of relief. Everyone exited out of the main doorway leading to the CIC. Kaidan walked towards her and patted her on the back.

"You okay?"

"Fine."

He smiled and walked away. The empty room fell quiet. Shepard's breath was heavy.

"Just fine," she whispered and slowly walked out of the War Room.


	4. Check-Up

The following hours seemed to dwindle quickly. No word from EDI, Traynor, or Liara. No news. Shepard paced back and forth in her room, occasionally admiring the fish tank and talking to her hamster_. When will they get back to me? When will we be able to assault the damned base? Why isn't anyone responding to my messages? Where the hell is the-_BEEP! BEEP!

Shepard, startled at the sound of her Omnitool, jumped.

"My god," she mumbled under her breath.

She poked at her Omnitool. A green icon blinked indicating a new voice message. Shepard clicked on the icon button. The message was from Dr. Chakwas. A voice started talking.

"Commander. I'm doing one final physical check up on all squadmembers before departure on the assault. Come down when you're ready."

Shepard sighed in relief. She thought it was something more critical than a check-up. James lose it and take a swing at someone? Tali intoxicated again? She called Chakwas's Omnitool.

"Be up in a minute, doc."

End call.

"Shepard."

"Dr. Chakwas. Got your message."

The door closed as Shepard passed through.

"Got yours too, Commander," Chakwas grabbed a datapad and pointed at the first bed. "Come. Have a seat."

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed.

"Just going to checking your implants. Should be quick and easy."

"Great."

Chakwas raised her Omnitool above Shepard's head and slowly scanned down her face and body.

"I remember the first time you were in my clinic, Shepard. Eden Prime."

"That was the first, wasn't it?"

Shepard stiffened her body, trying to hold very still.

"Yes. I remember very clearly. Chief Williams was in so much shock, she could hardly carry you. Alenko ended up being the one to bring you into the clinic. Williams just stood at the doorway shaking. Poor thing was so scared."

She paused. Ashley Williams. Shepard hadn't thought about her in a while. Seemed to be a morbid subject. Not one she liked to frequently discuss. She missed Ashley and hated making the choice. Responsibility of the situation weighed heavy on Shepard's back but she did well in not thinking too hard about it especially now that it's been about four years.

"Alenko was so worried about you, Commander. He never left the room."

Shepard smiled and tried to hide it by staring at the floor. Chakwas giggled.

"I swear he asked me a hundred times if you were okay or not."

"Ha. What did you tell him?"

"I told him that you were just fine. You were a tough one. Strong-willed."

"Hmm."

Chakwas finished scanning Shepard's face and allowed the data to synchronize into her Omnitool.

"I can tell you one thing, Shepard. The implants did not change that about you. You're still strong."

Shepard stayed quiet. Strong? If she had known that she had just been crying the night before, she wouldn't have made that statement. Shepard could be strong but it wasn't easy. She has her weakness just as everyone else has theirs. Once the weakness was taken advantage of, she would fell apart. She wasn't very good at accepting complements either. Never knew how to respond.

"And even after all these years, you still can't seem to hold perfectly still. C'mon, let's scan the rest of your body. Lay down on your back, Commander. You should know how this works."

"Ha. Yeah."

Shepard lay down on her back. Chakwas raised her Omnitool above Shepard's chest and slowly progressed down to her feet. The Omnitool irradiated an orange glow. The glow would act as a sensor for her implants and exert small particles into her body that made her implants slightly tingle. It wasn't very noticeable for Shepard due to her experience with routine scans but it was an odd feeling.

"Doing good, Shepard. Just a little more."

The Omnitool reached the calves of her legs and then finally to her feet. The tingling stopped.

"You can sit up now, Commander."

Shepard lifted her torso and threw her legs off the edge of the bed.

"The data is synching. One moment and I will have full results."

Both of them stood awkwardly next to each other. The Omnitool finished with a beeping sound.

"Ah. Okay. Let's see...vital signs are normal. Implants are intact. Everything seems fine."

"That's great news. It's a really good thing that you're doing this for everyone because-"

"Wait. Hmm. That's...odd."

Chakwas stepped back.

"What is it, doctor?"

Dr. Chakwas tilted her head in confusion.

"It's saying that-"

"What? What, doctor?!"

Chakwas's voice was low, almost a whisper but not quite.

"You're pregnant, Commander."

The room fell silent. Shepard looked at Chakwas in disagreement. Almost like she didn't understand what she said. Confused.

"What...?"

"Results indicate 10 days."

Shepard sat back on the bed and stared at the floor. Her eyes started to water. That dated back to the night on the Citadel. Her voice was cracked and she could barely speak.

"I-I-"

She sniffled. "I-um..."

Her intended whisper came out louder than she thought. She looked up but avoided eye contact with the doctor. She was...pregnant? Chakwas sat down in the desk chair and remained quiet. She seemed to be waiting for an answer or just a response from Shepard.

"Were you aware of this, Shepard?"

Shepard looked back down at the floor and shook her head sluggishly.

"No," she paused. "I wasn't."

"Shepard..."

Chakwas stood up and patted Shepard on the back. Shepard was hardly aware of the doctor's presence. She felt like the room was being swallowed up. Her throat felt dry and she couldn't stop her eyes from watering. Her eyes glistened from the tears building up. Shepard's face became heavy as she let her fall into her hands.

"Shepard..."

"No one can know."

"Commander?"

"No, Chakwas," she lifted her head. "No one can know."

Chakwas shook her head.

"Is that an order...Commander?"

"Yes."

Shepard's eyes were puffy and red. They were still watering but Shepard controlled most of the tears from falling. She climbed off of the bed and walked towards the exit. Chakwas didn't look at her. The news was too overbearing. It was too much to take in.

"Commander?"

Shepard turned to look at the doctor.

"Kaidan? Is he...?"

Shepard responded only with a nod and exited out of the clinic. Chakwas was left speechless. She stood up and grabbed the Datapad. All of the words were shown in the same text but it seemed like just the one bit of data was standing out apart from the rest. Chakwas quickly deleted the report and placed the Datapad on the desk.

Shepard quickly walked to the elevator and struggled with the panel. She was understandably nervous and she couldn't hold her hands still to press the correct buttons.

"Shepard?"

Startled by the voice, she turned quickly around. Kaidan was standing right behind her. Shepard stumbled on her feet into Kaidan's arms.

"Whoa. Shepard? What's-uh-you okay?"

Shepard pushed away from him and stuttered on her words.

"Just-uh-just fine."

She rubbed her face to hide the redness and watery eyes.

"Okay. I'll be up in a little bit."

"No. Not tonight. I-uh..."

She looked into his eyes but tried not to be entranced.

"I just need some time to myself."

He let go of her.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. It's just-I need some time to think."

"Okay. I understand. I probably shouldn't be coming up anyways. You know...regs."

He kissed her forehead. Shepard couldn't tell if that last sentence of his was a joke or if he was serious. Usually he was easy to read, but the news must've been messing with her mind at the moment.

"I will talk to you later, Kaidan. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, Commander. It's fine. Go get some rest. You probably need it."

"Yeah."

Kaidan walked away scratching the back of his neck. Shepard deeply exhaled and the elevator door sprung open. She went inside and hesitantly ordered it to travel to the cabin.

The ride to her cabin felt really long. The longest. The doors swung open and she tiredly exited out and scratched her head. The pins in her hair came out and her long hair fell on her back. She started to undress herself by unzipping her hoodie and unbuttoning her cargo pants. Her clothes fell on the floor.

She looked in the mirror in her bathroom and felt a slight pain in her abdomen. Her hand touched her bare stomach and she started to shiver.

_It must be a mental thing. _

It wasn't a familiar pain, like a punch or a shot.

It was dull, nauseating.

A pain that she created in her imagination to prove herself that the results were not just a fluke.

Tears fell down her cheek.

_Why?_

_Why now? _

She turned the shower on and washed her body. The warm water trickling down her bare back felt soothing. Almost therapeutic. Shepard drenched her hair in the water and lathered a simple shampoo in her hands.

The shower allowed her to clear her mind. Not completely, but just enough to not overcrowd her thoughts with useless concepts and ideas. She wanted to focus on what was and not what might.

_Why now of all times? _

As if there wasn't enough to worry about. She didn't want it to take over her thoughts. But how could she not? She was going to be a mother. There were so many other important things to be thinking about, but her focus was...disturbed.

_Why couldn't this all be put aside? Why can't everything be simple?_

Shepard shut off the water and dried herself with a towel. There was a black silk robe hanging next to the mirror that she grabbed to wear. She slowly walked to the bed and threw herself onto the soft cushion. The cold air from the vents made her shiver. Her body was cold but the sheets felt warm. As she buried herself under the sheets, the thoughts overcame her again. She knew it would be difficult to sleep just realizing now that she was pregnant. _What am I supposed to do?_

Only one heavy thought weighed on her mind that mattered.

_Should I tell him? _


	5. Found

A blur. It was dark but she could see the ghostly figures of people she had once known. Shadows amongst trees is all they seemed to be. Voices repeating words to her. Familiar voices. Shepard would turn her head only to see nothing.

"You know it's the right thing to do."

She knew that voice. Ashley.

"Shepard-Commander."

Her mind said _Legion_ yet, Shepard couldn't find a way to speak. She felt restricted.

"Shepard..." That was a voice obvious to her ears. It was Kaidan.

_Kaidan_ she thought.

The laughter of a young child echoed through the forest. Shepard looked around and saw nothing. Suddenly, she realized that the voice was in front of her. There was a young child playing in the leaves next to the trunk of a tree.

_Where did it come from?_

Shepard walked very slowly to the child and raised her hand, beckoning them to come to her. The child turned to look at her. It was a young boy; his eyes were as dark as _his_ and hair the brown of _hers_. A sudden loud notice disturbed the scene. The boy started screaming and running away from Shepard.

_No! Don't! Stop! _

She started running towards the child but the child faded away.

_Where did he go?_

The atmosphere was startling. Everything about it was morbid, depressing, and lifeless.

_Hello?_

"Shepard..."

Shivers ran down her spine. Kaidan. His voice was so rough...and yet smooth. Deep but soft. Calming.

He whispered, "Everything will be alright."

Shepard closed her eyes and opened them to see the child sitting in front of her on the ground. He was scared.

_It's alright._

She began falling to her knees to comfort the boy when suddenly the ground was burning around him. He was trapped, hopeless. Shepard pushed words out of her throat.

"No...No!"

She was sitting upright on her bed, eyes wide open, heart palpitating, and lungs out of breath. Her body slammed back down. Deep breaths. She pulled the sheets off and flew out of bed. The news was eating her alive.

_I need to tell someone. But who?_

She ran to the closet and grabbed cargo pants, a hoodie, and her boots. Shepard jumped into her pants and zipped up her hoodie. Never had she hopped to the elevator so fast while putting on her boots. Her hair was a mess but she couldn't care less. The elevator ride was as slow as can be, at least for Shepard it was.

"C'mon damn it!"

Shepard kicked at the door until it sprang open onto the Crew Deck. Her head ducked out to check to see if the coast was clear. Tiptoeing, she went down the hallway and knocked on Liara's door.

She whispered, "Liara? You awake?"

The door opened. Liara was in a white robe. Her hands were rubbing her eyes.

"Shepard?" She yawned.

"Can I come in?"

"Uh...sure?"

"Great."

Shepard pushed herself into the room, closed the door, and sat on Liara's bed. She couldn't stop playing with her hands laying in her lap. Nerves always got the better of Shepard.

"So..." Liara looked up at Shepard and noticed her shivering. "Shepard?"

She walked towards the bed and sat down next to Shepard.

"Shepard, are you alright?"

"Yeah. Great. Just...great."

"Okay. What's wrong?"

"It's-uh-it's-complicated."

"Complicated?"

Shepard's eyes filled with tears. She didn't know how Liara would respond. Something told her that she didn't want to find out but she had to tell someone. The multitude of inner conflicts was overwhelming.

"Liara..." She hesitated. "Liara...I'm...pregnant."

Liara's warm smile turned into a slight frown. Not of disappointment but of sorrow.

"Shepard..."

Liara's hand reached Shepard's back. Shepard sniffled but held the tears.

"Shepard. How-how-long?"

"11 days."

"Goddess," Liara paused. "Does he know?"

Shepard shook her head. "No."

"How do you know?"

"Chakwas was scanning my implants."

"And the scan picked it up?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my..."

Shepard's face fell into the palms of her hands.

"Liara...what am I supposed to do? I can't tell him. He will get too worried. You know how he gets."

"Then when do you plan on telling him?"

"I don't know."

"You won't be able to hide it for long, Shepard. Eventually, he will have to know. Imagine how he would feel not knowing."

"No, Liara. I can't."

Liara sighed. "Well if you don't want him to know, then he won't. Who knows?"

"Chakwas and you."

"Is that it?"

"Yeah."

"I cannot believe this."

"Please don't be upset."

"I am not upset, Shepard. Just...worried. But I suppose it's just another thing worth fighting for, right?"

Shepard looked up at her with disgust.

"How can you say that, Liara?! You should be yelling at me! Telling me that I'm stupid!"

Liara sat back as Shepard stood up. Shepard's hands clenched and her voice raised.

"This shouldn't have happened! Not now."

The tears were released, soaking her face. Tears of remorse, pain, but love. She loved Kaidan but she didn't want to put him through that...that worry. Shepard's tears cooled her temper a little. Liara stood up and walked towards Shepard to hug her.

"Shepard...you should never say that about a child," she let go and lifted Shepard's chin up. "A pregnancy is never someone's mistake. Especially for you. Love is what made you pregnant, and love is what will continue to make it grow."

She paused.

"Do not regret this. It's your own child, Shepard. You are going to be a mother...and a good one at that."

Liara wiped Shepard's face with her hand to cry the tears.

"And Kaidan, a father. I can only imagine what that child will be like."

Shepard smiled and pulled Liara's hand away. Her words penetrated through Shepard's barrier of doubt.

"Kaidan would be a good father...and husband."

"Husband?"

"Long story."

Liara folded her arms and smiled.

"You two...quite the pair."

Shepard laughed.

"Thank you, Liara. I needed this."

"Anytime," Shepard started to walk away. "And Shepard?"

She turned.

"Fight."

"Shepard?"

"Chakwas?"

They stared at each other in silence for a long moment.

"Is there something you need, Commander?"

Shepard secured the door shut.

"Figured I should get a daily check-up with everything that has been going on..."

She sat on the patient bed.

"Very well but it is a bit early for you to be showing any signs of pregnancy. Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Was Kaidan directly in contact with Element Zero in the crash as a child?"

"I believe so. Why do you ask?"

Chakwas eyes grew big.

"Element zero could've been passed to the child."

"What do you mean?"

"Element zero...can...boost the development of the child."

"Boost?"

"The baby might be developing faster than a natural human pregnancy."

Shepard tensed at hearing the word _human_.

"Kaidan _is_ human," she said in a defensive tone.

"I understand that but biotics are not natural to the human body, Shepard. Neither is element zero. You may not have to carry the child for a full nine months."

Shepard could do nothing but stare at the floor and listen to the doctor speak. She didn't have the desire to speak nor the desire to believe anything the doctor had to say. But she was left with no choice but to just listen and go with it.

"Shepard, this will put a damper on your energy. Not to mention the effect it will have on your hormones."

"Think that has already started," she said, rubbing her eyes. "Liara knows."

"You told her?"

"Yeah. And there might've been a bit of yelling."

"Didn't take the news well, did she?"

"Oh, she wasn't the one yelling."

Shepard's hands gripped the edge of the bed tightly.

"Oh dear..."

"Yeah."

"Well. Shepard. There are a few things you should be aware of. It is your first pregnancy."

"Here we go..."

Chakwas gave a slight smirk.

"The element zero, like I said, will speed up the growth. I cannot guarantee you how long, at least for now. It varies depending on the amount of traces found."

"Okay..."

"Which means your energy will be drained fast. Nutrition is a good thing to keep in mind. Make sure to maintain a good diet."

"Yes, doctor."

"Hormones will be more abnormal than usual..."

"That scares me. Ha."

"And one more thing Shepard. No alcohol."

Shepard buried her head in her hands and sighed.

"Oh, Shepard. After all that has happened, I think the last thing you will need is a drink."

"Ugh. Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, Mom."

Chakwas grinned. Shepard had always viewed her as a temporary mother when onboard. She always cared for everyone's health. _I guess that is what comes with being a doctor._

Shepard jumped off of the bed and walked out of the room.

"See you, Doc."

"You too, Commander."

Just as Shepard exited the clinic, another voice called for her.

"Shepard?"

"EDI?"

After taking a good look around, Shepard figured out that EDI was talking through the comm.

"Liara, Traynor, and I might've found something. I suggest you come take a look."

"Good. I'll be there. Inform the crew to be present."

"Yes, Commander."

"Shepard, we've got it."

Liara, Traynor, and EDI all stood around the War Room as Shepard walked down the steps. The rest of the crew were scattered all throughout the room.

"What do we have, Liara?"

"The tracer. We followed it back. EDI was able to decrypt the exact location."

She activated a galaxy map in the middle of the room. One of the galaxies was glowing green.

"It's here in the HorseHead Nebula. Pax. That is where the trail ends. It's our only chance."

"And a chance we shall take. How long until we can be ready?"

"Admiral Hackett will need to ready his fleet. Shepard, this will be the last of it. The Reapers will take notice shortly after we set foot on the Station. We will have to be prepared."

"Then we will have to make it fast."

"Agreed."

"I will send intel to the Admiral. As for the rest of us, we will just have to wait for an answer. As soon as we hear back, we will set our course. Understood?"

"Of course, Commander."

"Good. Crew, this is it. Get your rest. I want my squad at its finest. You're all dismissed."

All seven of the crew walked towards the exit.

"We're almost there, Shepard," Garrus brushed shoulders with Shepard and walked out. She was startled when feeling a hand touch her back. Her face turned.

"It's so close. _So close_."

Kaidan held back from showing affection in the open. Shepard didn't want him to refrain but she knew that he was right to do so. He walked out, leaving the room empty.

Shepard gently laid her hand on her stomach.

"And yet so far..." She whispered under her breath.


	6. The Last Night

CHAPTER 6:

In only a few hours. Just a few hours until the Normandy would set its course for the base. Shepard sat, watching the fish swim aimlessly in circles, memorizing the rapid fin movements and patterns. She found that the fish tank was a good way of relaxing her mind. So serene and beautiful.

The datapad in her hand listed all of the fleets, ship by ship, supporting this fight. Only the Alliance were to be present at the Cerberus base but the numbers of aliens that would join at Earth were too many to count. She stood up putting the datapad down on her desk and walked towards the fish tank. She couldn't help but have those occasional desires to wrap her arm around her stomach and hug herself. Just the thought of being a mother gave her a chill. Now that it was reality, it seemed inconceivable.

The door opened but Shepard barely noticed until she heard a voice.

"Hey..."

Shepard turned her head to look at Kaidan. He was holding a bottle of TM88 and a pair of glasses in the other hand.

"Hey."

"Can't sleep either?"

"Ha. No."

"Well, making yourself crazy about this won't help."

He walked into the room.

"Kaidan, I need to-"

"Ssh. Just take five minutes. A quick drink and then I'll go."

Shepard sighed. She wished so badly she could drink that whiskey but her heart told her not to. He started pouring into the glasses, but Shepard covered the second one with her hand.

"I'm okay. I think a drink will just wind me up and that's the last thing I need right now."

"Ha. Okay."

He went with it.

"Do you mind if I...?"

"Go for it!"

Shepard smiled and watched as he took a sip.

"Good?"

"Very."

Kaidan sat down on the sofa, beckoning her to join him.

Shepard couldn't resist to sit down next him. Her head rested on his chest and she laid her hand on top of his in his lap. Shepard knew in her mind that she could fall asleep right then but she also knew that Kaidan didn't just come up for a quick drink.

"Shepard, you know that you've done everything you could, right?"

"I hope so. Keep checking the numbers to make sure I didn't miss something."

"You don't have to take this all on yourself. What you've been able to do since the Reapers showed up...it's nothing short of amazing. It's gonna be-its gonna be what it is."

"It's been a hell of a ride."

"It sure has."

"To think about all that has happened in the past four years is crazy. I've done more things than the whole rest of my lifetime."

"Hm. Well you have accomplished many things, Commander."

"Commander?"

"Shepard."

"You know I don't like it when you call me Commander."

"I know. But it's out of respect. You are my boss."

"Except when I'm not..."

A smirk smeared across Shepard's face and she couldn't help but giggle. Kaidan joined in the laughing too.

"Oh, Shepard. I love it when you smile."

"Cherish every one. May not last long."

"Stop the pessimistic attitude, Shepard. It's not helping anything."

"...sorry."

Kaidan sighed.

"Just...try and be a little happy, alright?"

"It's difficult. Especially knowing that..."

She stopped herself but she knew she had to fill in the blank. Don't say it.

"That this is it."

"I understand, Shepard. But just know that I'm here. And I'm not leaving anytime soon."

Shepard closed her eyes and began floating away into a dream but was disturbed by his voice.

"You tired?"

"Hmm?"

"Let me tuck you into bed. C'mon."

Kaidan lifted Shepard's head off of his chest gently and helped her onto her feet. Kaidan started walking up the stairs but Shepard didn't want to let go of his hand. Her hand hesitantly loosened its grasp and slipped out of his hand as he walked towards the bathroom.

"Kaidan."

He turned around.

"Wait..."

Shepard slowly walked towards him, never breaking eye contact. Her hand touched the side of his face, his skin so warm on her fingertips. So inviting. She couldn't stop...and she didn't want to. Her hand drifted down his face and slid down his neck and chest.

"Not yet..."

In a moment, she was giving him a kiss. Not a normal endearment. A meaningful one. She hadn't had a taste of him in what seemed like forever. The kiss was filled with pain and suffering, but also love. One that told him she didn't want to stop. One that proved to her that what she felt was real.

After seconds passed, he let go to take a breath and took a soft hold to the back of her neck. Shepard took a quick breath and kissed him again and again, her fingers lacing and tangling in his hair. Kaidan stroked down her back until he was able to tightly grip her hips. Shepard's hands reached over his shoulders and started yanking on his shirt. He pulled it off over his head and embraced her again. Her heart was racing. Every bit of this felt wrong but there was something that kept her going. Almost like a bit of adrenaline kicked in. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted him to stay with her. But it didn't feel right. The news, the fear, the inner anguish was corrupting her. But she couldn't let go.

Kaidan started to unbutton her pants and move his hands around her hips. Shepard pulled her pants off and let them land wherever she threw them. She unzipped her hoodie and soon she was covered by nothing but her undergarments. Their maneuvering led to Shepard hitting her back against the bathroom door. She gasped for air and wrapped her arms around Kaidan, feeling the muscles of his back as he kissed her neck and undid her hair.

The feeling of his embrace made Shepard feel safe. The comfort of knowing he would protect her made her feel free. Free to do anything she wanted. The thought of her pregnancy peeked out from her subconscious every second but she tried so hard to push it away. She didn't want to worry. Not now. She just wanted to let Kaidan take her away from the stress.

Shepard lifted his head to kiss him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He started to take off his pants while Shepard continued kissing him. She felt him lift her up and wrap her legs around his waist as he carried her across the room to the bed. Once he set her on her feet, Shepard pushed him onto the bed. She detached the hooks of her bra and completely undressed herself. Kaidan sat up as she climbed onto the bed and watched her sit in his lap, her thighs on each side of his body.

"Hi," she whispered and laid a few kisses behind his ear, holding his face with her hand.

Kaidan grinned and lightly laughed.

"Hi...God, Shepard."

She stopped to look at him and smile, her hands laying on his shoulders. Kaidan grabbed her hands.

"Okay, Shepard. My turn."

He leaned forward to give her a kiss. She pulled her hands out of his grasp and wrapped her left arm around his neck as he carefully laid her on her back. His lips glided down her neck and chest making her softly moan in pleasure. His mouth traveled back up her body, covering every bit of her in soft kisses. One of his hands lifted her thigh and wrapped it around his waist. He grabbed her hands, pressing them into the cushion beside her head and passionately kissed her lips and cheeks.

Kaidan was always a great kisser, but never had he kissed her like this; every one filled with love.

"Damn, Kaidan."

He smiled.

"Feel good?"

"Feeling...something."

"Ha." He lifted her back up in his lap. She moved her hands on his chest, groping his muscles, his arms softly holding onto her back.

"Kaidan, I want to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"Yeah."

"For what?"

"For everything. You've been there since the beginning and I wanted to thank you for that."

"No need to thank me, Shepard."

"Then I have nothing else to say, lieutenant."

She smirked.

"Well in that case...don't say anything."

"Then you'd better kiss me."

"Or..."

Kaidan kissed her. Shepard let herself fall onto the surface of the bed, pulling Kaidan down with her. His body felt tingly and warm. The curiosity opened her eyes to see his whole body covered in a blue glow.

"Clever," she said under her breath.

She closed her eyes and gave herself to Kaidan. The thoughts that had previously taken over her mind vanished with his every touch. Not one of them came back for a while.

* * *

The same forest. The same ghosts. It was a familiar scene but somehow felt different. More...real. She didn't feel restricted. In fact, she felt free. And safe.

"Shepard..."

_Kaidan?_

She walked slowly through the forest, looking for someone or something. She didn't know which. Laughing. She heard the child's laughter.

_Where is he?_

He didn't sound too far but not too close.

"Hey, don't run too far!"

Shepard followed the voice, walking around a thicket of trees and saw in the distance the child running away in laughter. She smiled watching him. He was so happy, and innocent. But there was someone else walking towards the child. It was Kaidan. Shepard continued to watch from behind the tree.

"I said not to run too far."

The boy smiled and laughed.

"But, Dad!"

_Dad? _

Shepard's smile fainted away.

"Don't 'dad' me. Come on!"

Kaidan ran and lifted the boy in the air, twirling and laughing. It seemed so odd seeing him holding a child. Shepard looked away and took a step back. Words couldn't describe the uneasy feeling in her stomach.

"Hey, Dad! What's that?"

Shepard turned her attention at the scene again. The young boy was pointing at something in the sky but Shepard couldn't see anything.

"I don't know. Hmm..."

Suddenly, there was a loud sound of screaming echoing through the trees. Shepard shuddered at the noise and covered her ears. She turned back to look at the boy and Kaidan. They were startled.

"Oh, god! C'mon! C'mon!"

Kaidan picked up the boy and started to hesitantly run the other direction. Shepard ran, following them. There was another loud noise that shook the ground causing her to stumble onto her hands and knees. She looked up and saw a ring of fire develop around Kaidan and the child.

"No!"

Shepard got on her feet and ran as fast as she could. Kaidan kissed the boy on the forehead.

"I love you, son."

"No!"

* * *

"Shepard. Shepard!"

Kaidan was shaking Shepard's shoulder in bed, trying to wake her up. She was weeping and groaning beside to him. He suspected it was a nightmare.

"Shepard, wake up!"

"No!"

Shepard opened her eyes wide. Her heart was beating out of her chest and she couldn't catch her breath.

"Hey...hey..."

Shepard turned and saw Kaidan's face.

"Oh...god..."

She buried her head in his neck and whimpered softly. Kaidan wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Sssshhhh...it's okay. It was just a dream."

"It felt so real."

"Just a dream, Shepard. Calm down."

"But-"

Her breaths slowed down. She felt sick.

"Shepard, you're pale."

He wiped her tears away with his hand.

"Are you okay?"

Silence. Fear kept her from speaking. She didn't want to say anything. Not yet. It wasn't the right time for it. She kissed him tenderly.

"Just glad you're here."

"Never left."

He caressed her hand and kissed it. She looked up at him with her glossy eyes.

"What?"

Shepard shook her head and softly smiled.

"I feel like I'm falling for you all over again," she paused and lost her smile. "I don't want to lose you."

Her hands reached for his face.

"You're not going to."

Kaidan pulled her closer to him and met her lips with his.

"Let's hope that this isn't the end."

Shepard sat up, covering herself with a sheet.

"I should go check on the others."

"Okay."

Kaidan sat up beside her and rubbed her shoulder. She threw her legs over the sides of the bed and stood on her feet. That's when the thoughts came back.

* * *

"Commander."

"Javik."

There was a diagram of the Normandy on the holographic screen hanging on the wall.

"Looks familiar."

"I've been studying this ship, and its crew. There was a Normandy before this one. You died in an attack."

"Yeah. Something like that."

"But then you were resurrected...to fight the Reapers."

"Ha. Maybe you and I have a thing or two in common."

"But you have something else. The reasons you fight are still alive. The friendships of the people around you. And more..."

More? Could he sense that much. Shepard's arm crawled over her stomach. Deep breaths.

"You and the human soldier are...joined?"

"You can say that."

"I'm not. Your pheromones are. Is this why you wish to continue living? For their affection?"

Shepard hugged herself tightly. She didn't want to beat around the bush.

"I want a future. This 'affection' is something I believe is worth fighting for. If it weren't for that, all I would have in my life is death and that's not enough."

"Hmph. Yes. The future has always been dark but this cycle is...different. War can only be won with more war. Let us bring the fight to them, Commander, and force the Reapers back into dark space."

* * *

"Tali?"

"Shepard."

"Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be. If only the Reapers just had a control switch."

"Ha. Nothing is ever that easy, Tali."

"Well, no matter what, Shepard, know that Tali'Zorah stands by your side."

"Noted."

* * *

"We're finally there, Shepard. At the doorway to the Illusive Man's base. I can already feel the excitement."

"You have always had excitement for the strangest things, Garrus."

"C'mon, Shepard! The bastard, after years of ruining people's lives, finally gets what he rightfully deserves. The sweet taste of revenge, Shepard. Get ready for it."

* * *

"I can feel it, Shepard. The tension."

"Glad I'm not the only one, Liara."

"I wonder what flavor the celebration cake will be."

"Ha. Let's first get there and then we can find out."

* * *

"Doctor."

"Shepard. Let me guess...daily checkup?"

"Ha. Yeah."

"Have a seat, Shepard."

Shepard sat down on the patient bed. Chakwas looked up at Shepard's face noticing that she was pale and had slight dark circles under her eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted."

"Hmm. Definitely from the element zero. Are you having any sort of pain or nausea?"

"Felt a little sick when I woke up this morning. No pain really."

"Normal. Could be a lot worse. Let me run some quick tests, Commander."

"Of course."

Chakwas moved her Omnitool over Shepard's torso.

"Hmm. What? That can't be right."

"What, doctor?"

"The scan is predicting a gender already. That can't be right. You are barely two weeks."

"When is normal for you to know?"

"With common technology, anywhere from five to ten weeks."

"Could it be the eezo?"

"Maybe."

"Well...what does it say?"

"It's...it's a female."

Shepard gasped and touched her stomach.

"A girl?"

"If the prediction is correct, then yes. Never had a false prediction with this Omnitool either."

"Oh my..."

Shepard smiled and felt tears falling her cheek.

"Shepard...you're going to have a daughter."

"A daughter...?"

"Yes."

The shock left Shepard not knowing how to react. It seemed all too soon. Everything was happening so fast. Too fast.

"Congratulations, Commander."

"I-I-don't know what to say. Thank you."

Chakwas smiled.

Shepard found it hard to admit that it was hard not having Kaidan there with her to hear the news. He was so oblivious. In the dark. She didn't want him to be that way but there seemed like no better option, at least for now. She couldn't tell him but now, she wanted to.

* * *

"Shepard, the Normandy has set its course. We will arrive at a Mass Relay within a few hours. From there, it will be a short flight."

"Good, EDI. Tell everyone to be ready."

"Commander, if I may, I would suggest bringing me along with you on this mission."

"Why?"

"This is the center of operations for Cerberus. You will encounter enhanced security measures. With my knowledge of Cerberus algorithms and this body's updates protocols, I am the best chance for helping you succeed. "

Shepard looked at EDI.

"Then get ready. We're heading out right when we see that base."

"Understood, Commander."


	7. Cherries

Galaxy: Pax. It wasn't that different from the usual imagery coming to mind when hearing the word "galaxy." A few planets, satellites, and stars.

Liara held a datapad in her hand that was tracing the exact path of the tracker.

"The tracker leads to the Anadius Cluster. It must be a bit further than I thought."

"How long until then?"

"No more than two...maybe three hours. I suggest getting a snack."

Liara stared at Shepard's stomach and looked back into her eyes. Shepard instantaneously laid her hand over her womb and realized that she was craving a bite of food.

"I will do that. Thanks."

She turned from the cockpit, where they had accompanied Joker, and walked away.

"Let me know when it's time to start a war."

"Hmph. Of course, Shepard."

* * *

Shepard had never been so hungry. Discovering the location of their enemy had proved to be a very good distraction. She hadn't even thought about her hunger until Liara mentioned it.

There was a fridge next to the stove on the Crew Deck. She opened the doors. There was a surprisingly vast variety of food: fruits, meats, grains, vegetables.

Cherries.

Shepard could hear her stomach grumble calling for immediate satisfaction. She grabbed the large bowl of cherries sitting on the top shelf and began devouring a bunch, taking the occasional times to spit out the seeds. The red and purple splatters of juice covered the frame of her lips as she continued gorging them down. Kaidan walked in, unnoticed to Shepard, and watched her eat. They were the only two occupying the room, so he felt a little bit more secure about approaching her.

"Uh...Commander?"

"Wha-?"

Her mouth was full of a mush of cherries and seeds.

"Are you hungry?"

"I-uh-"

Shepard swallowed and spit out the seeds. She wiped her mouth with a towel and stared at Kaidan.

"I was hungry and I-uh-saw cherries. So I ate them."

Kaidan lifted one of his eyebrows in suspicion.

"Okay..."

And there was the smirk.

"When are we leaving?"

He walked closer towards her and grabbed some cherries, throwing them into his mouth and smashing them into the roof of his jaw with his tongue.

"Uh...Liara said no more than two or three hours. Should be quick."

"Good. Who is accompanying you?"

"EDI is coming along in case security becomes a problem."

"And?"

"Well I would like for you to join us, Major. If you are willing to-"

"I would be happy to come."

He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer nearly kissing her before she pressed two of her fingers to his lips, stopping him.

"You realize we are not behind closed doors, Major?"

"So, I can't give you just one kiss?"

He leaned forward to kiss her cheek while caressing the other side of her face with his hand. Shepard could feel her cheeks turn redder by the second. Her hands gently pushed him away and were snatched by his own.

"Hey..."

"Not here."

She looked at his lips and was tempted to move closer but she refrained herself.

"You're right, Shepard, I know. But..." he lightly laughed. "I can't help but-"

His hand moved to touch her face but she turned her head back to avoid his touch. Kaidan sensed something wrong but he didn't want to make a scene. Shepard hated turning away from him like that. It was the only way she could refrain from her temptations. Avoid telling him about her little secret. Although her secret didn't seem so little. They were finally nearing the end of all things and she had no intention of telling him anytime soon. She just had to wait until she couldn't hold it in anymore...which she could tell was soon approaching.

Shepard looked back into Kaidan's eyes and could feel herself shrinking under his stare. She pushed him out of the way and scampered towards the elevator without a word. Kaidan didn't know how to respond and stood there, confused and speechless. He couldn't decide whether he should run after her or avoid it. He was..._lost_.

The elevator wouldn't move fast enough. It climbed further and further up but seemed to make little or no progress at all. Shepard sat in the corner of the elevator with her knees to her chest and her face buried. The faint sobs echoed pain and confusion leaving her in utter dismay. The confidence she had once built up in her heart was now being violently torn apart by her other feelings. It was hard for her to imagine that her own love was an anchor bringing her down towards uncertainty.

The doors opened. _Finally._ Shepard staggered across the room, bumping into the walls every now and then. Once she clumsily walked down the few stairs, her weariness dragged her to her knees and she found herself curling up in a ball on the floor. She was cold, weak, and tired. She didn't want to deal with this anymore. She had too much weight to carry on her shoulders.

Her heart was breaking.

It was overwhelming.

It could only go so far.

But there was no way for her to escape it.

She had to bring an end to this war. Not only with the Reapers. But also with herself.

Shepard crawled on her hands and knees to the corner of the couch. Her weakness made her stumble at every move, causing her to collapse on the ground.

The door opened and all Shepard could hear were footsteps.

"Shepard? Shepard!"

Shepard felt hands turn her on her back. Everything was a blur. She could hardly recognize the face of the person who was sitting right beside her.

"Shepard! EDI! Tell Chakwas to come in here immediately!"

The face looked back at Shepard.

"Shepard? Can you hear me?"

"Mmmm ye-"

"Goddess...Shepard!"

"Liar-"

The door opened once again. It was Doctor Chakwas carrying a small emergency kit in her hand.

"Liara, what is goi-Shepard!"

"I came up to tell her that we were close and I found her on the ground."

Chakwas sighed.

"We need to get her to the clinic."

"But Doctor, people will see."

The doctor stared at Liara and back at Shepard who seemed to be suffering from a faint.

"Help me get her to the bed."

Liara grabbed Shepard's shoulders as Chakwas grabbed lifted her legs to carry her body into the bed.

"Why is she like this, Doctor?"

"It must be the eezo."

"Eezo?"

"Traces of element zero may have passed from Kaidan's genetics to the child's, causing a faster development."

"Faster development? How much faster?"

"I cannot confirm that. But having this kind of development will take a lot out of her. Energy, nutrients..."

"So you are not surprised by this?"

"No. As a matter of fact, I expected this to happen sooner or later."

Chakwas brought her Omnitool above Shepard's body, scanning her entirely.

"Seems like she is fine. Must've just gone into a brief anxiety attack. A quick injection of SD83 should help wake her up."

The doctor opened her kit and pulled out a syringe of blue liquid. She carefully slid the needle into the soft skin of Shepard's neck and pulled it out, patting the spot with a wet swab. Shepard immediately opened her eyes and started to violently cough and rock her body back and forth on the bed. She pulled her upper body up and touched her chest with her hand to try and calm herself down. Her lungs begged for air as she hyperventilated. Her heart was beating so fast and she could hardly gain awareness of her surroundings.

"Where am—wha-what happened?"

Her vision became gradually clearer. Liara sighed in relief.

"Goddess...don't scare me like that, Shepard."

Liara patted the commander on her back.

"You lost consciousness for a little while," Chakwas said.

"Are we-did I-oh..."

A cough overcame Shepard. She got on her feet and faltered to the bathroom. Her stomach was uneasy and made her feel nauseous. She was throwing up in the sink when Liara and the doctor walked slowly into the bathroom with her, making sure she was okay. Shepard finally stopped and washed her mouth out with water. She held her stomach with her hand.

"Shepard? Shepard, are you alright?"

"I feel like shit, if that answers your question."

She coughed into her hand and made her way out of the bathroom. Chakwas firmly grabbed Shepard's arm.

"It's important for me to know exactly how you feel, Commander. Please tell me."

"Cold, nauseous, tired, and hungry."

"All side effects are normal for your case, Shepard. I'm sorry you have to go through with it. I can work up a quick sedative that may stabilize you temporarily on the next mission."

"Thank you, doctor."

"Of course, Commander. I shall be in the med clinic if anyone is in need of anything."

The doctor left the room and went down to the Crew Deck using the elevator. Shepard had her back against the fish tank and her stare fixed firmly on the ground. Liara stood next to Shepard.

"How does it feel, Shepard? To bear a child?" Liara paused and looked up at Shepard. "Does it change your view of the war?"

Shepard took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Liara..." She paused. "I have never felt worse."

"Worse?"

"Liara, look at our odds. Sure we can stand up against the Reapers but a victory? It's impossible."

"Nothing is ever impossible, Shepard. Especially with you as our commander. Look how far we've come. How can you give up now?"

"I'm not. It's just-"

There was a brief silence.

"We can't avoid casualties. The Reapers are not going to take it easy on us. In fact, they may even fight harder than ever before," Shepard unfolded her arms and stepped away from the wall. "Bearing a child? Just the thought makes this war become so much more personal. I'm not just fighting for a future with Kaidan anymore. It's now become something more than that. A future for my child...my daughter."

Liara's eyes widened.

"It's a girl?"

Shepard slightly nodded her head.

"When I heard Chakwas tell me 'congratulations,' it should've made me feel happy. But instead...it...made me realize that this is reality. It's not just a dream...or nightmare. It's real."

Liara wiped her eyes that were beginning to water.

"I can't believe it, Shepard. It still hasn't even become clear to me that you are going to be a mother. You're going to have a little girl...I wonder what her name will be."

"Great! Just another thing to think about."

Liara laughed under her breath.

"Maybe you can have the help of Kaidan for that."

Shepard rolled her eyes as Liara winked at her.

"Yeah. Maybe."

Liara could sense the tension growing inside Shepard. Tension corrupting her mind.

"Well...Shepard, I should-"

There was a beeping sound coming from her Omnitool. It was the tracker.

"Shepard! We have it! The Cerberus Base!"

"Huh?"

"The base, Shepard! We can make a landing in about an hour!"

"An hour? We're that close already? You said two or thr-"

"I guess things changed. Joker sent word that the base is in distant view."

"Well, let's do this."

Shepard walked awkwardly to the door, groaning with every step. She started to fall but Liara was there to catch her.

"Hey...maybe I should escort you to the med clinic for your sedative."

"That sounds good."

Liara helped Shepard get into the elevator and climbed to the Crew Deck.


	8. The Assault

The stimulant started to kick in within only a few minutes. They were only moments away from touching the surface of the base, hovering in stealth.

"Your body is accepting the agent well, Commander. Do you feel anything…unusual?"

"Not at all, Doctor. Other than being awake more than ever."

"Good. The dose should last long enough. Hopefully, it will stay affective."

Shepard hopped off of the patient bed onto her feet, supported by Chakwas's cautious grip.

"I'm fine, Doctor."

She pulled Chakwas's hand off of her arm.

"Very-Very well, Commander. If anything happens..." she paused to take a deep breath. "Just please be careful."

"I will."

* * *

Everyone stood in the War Room staring at each other, waiting for Shepard to say something. The commander had her hands resting on the console fixed in the middle of the room, supporting her upper body as she drooped her head towards the floor and stared intently at the ground beneath her feet. After a little while, she lifted her head.

"Soldiers," Shepard started. "This is it. The _reckoning_ of Cerberus. The complete _annihilation_ of the Illusive Man's power."

She began pacing back and forth as she spoke.

"Once we get a hold of the Catalyst, it's a straight trip to Earth. No exceptions."

Her eyes glanced around the room, taking turns with each person.

"This war needs to end...once and for all. Cerberus has been messing with our heads since day one. Let this day be remembered as the day we brought an end to their deceitful ways! Who's with me? James?"

"Damn right I am!" James yelled, pounding his chest with his fists. Shepard turned slowly to scan the room, looking at each of them.

"Tali?"

"Ready when you are, Shepard."

"Javik?"

"It's war. The only thing I'm good at."

"I'm taking that as a yes."

"Hmph."

Shepard rolled her eyes and sighed.

"EDI?"

"Always."

"Liara?"

"We are at your side, Commander."

"Garrus?"

"Of course, Shepard!"

She paused and looked back at the floor before looking at him.

"Kaidan?"

"I am always with you, Shepard."

"Good."

She looked back at the console.

"Alright everyone...let's do this. Kaidan? EDI? Report to the Kodiak in ten. Joker? The shuttle leaves as soon as the landing pad is in view."

The comm came on.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Alright. We're done here. Dismissed."

Shepard rested her hand on the small bump of her stomach and watched the crew leave the room before she entered the Comm Room to speak with Admiral Hackett about their departure and plan of attack.

"Are we ready to assault the base, Commander?"

"We need the Catalyst. It's our only way of defeating the Reapers. I'm willing to do all it takes, Admiral. Even if it means paying our Cerberus friends a visit."

"Understood, Commander. It's a straight shot to the Reapers once you are done with business here."

"Noted. I want your fleets to act as a distraction while my incursion team infiltrates the base."

"Of course. Alliance fleets are mobilizing, undetected, right outside the entrance as we speak."

"Good. Once I set foot onto the landing pad, I want the attention of Cerberus to be disorganized, confused. It's our only chance."

"I will inform the fleets. We are right behind you, Commander."

"Glad to hear. Shepard out."

* * *

"Joker, the shuttle is leaving now."

"Understood."

Another metallic voice from the comm interrupted Joker.

"Shepard, Lieutenant Alenko is here. We await your presence."

Joker fidgeted in his chair and turned to look at Shepard.

"Wait-what? EDI's going with you?"

"She's our best chance with infiltration."

"Commander, are you crazy? Wait, don't answer that. EDI is my last bit of sanity around here. I can't have her gallivanting around the Cerberus base. They created her for god's sake. What if they try to contr-"

"I will be fine, Jeff."

"I sure hope so, EDI."

He sighed and stared back at the console. Shepard walked towards him and patted him on the shoulder.

"I know it's hard, Joker."

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me."

Shepard turned to walk away until Joker said something.

"And hey! Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

"Keep her safe."

"Same to you."

* * *

"What's the plan, Commander?"

Kaidan and Shepard had their hands grasping the handles on the ceiling of the shuttle as they flew towards the base. EDI paced back and forth next to them.

"Admiral Hackett has fleets surrounding the base undetected. Once we get inside, the fleets will deactivate stealth drives and Cerberus's attention will be geared towards them which gives us an opportunity to get to the Catalyst and back out. We need to do this quick."

"Understood. We're running out of time."

"I know. Nothing we can do besides getting the job done. And that's why we're here."

"Do you have any idea what and where this thing is we are looking for?"

"No. But I'm guessing that the Illusive Man won't just hand it over."

EDI interrupted their conversation.

"The Catalyst will be at the heart of this facility. It is the most secure place to be."

Shepard sighed and spoke under her breath.

"Hopefully we can get to it fast."

Cortez started to yell across the Shuttle.

"Commander! Arm yourselves! I detect enemy contact in the landing zone! ETA 2 minutes."

"Okay. Be ready, people!"

"Energy shield is up. Might want to brace for impa-!"

Before Shepard could comprehend his words, she and the two others with her were slammed against the ground. Shepard was able to catch herself but banged her kneecaps hard against the floor. The shuttle crashed against the landing pad hard and eventually stopped after hitting against a short wall of thick plastic that traced around the Cerberus Fighter ships aligned in the middle of the shuttle bay.

Shepard cursed under her breath as she recovered from impact and pulled out her Black Widow sniper rifle, loading it with ammo.

"Everyone okay?"

Kaidan groaned softly.

"Yeah, just fine."

"EDI?"

"Functional."

"Good. Now let's-"

The sound of gunshots echoed across the room and the shuttle door vibrated from the rain of bullets that hit against the outside. Shepard stood at the right side of the door and put her back against the wall, activating a Cryo Ammo mod.

"EDI, scanners?"

"Detecting four troopers armed. Two to the left and one to the right. The other in an Atlas. Two snipers fixed above on left hand side."

"Kaidan, I want you to immediately overload the Atlas. I want the shields down fast. EDI? Initiate a decoy to the left to distract those two troopers and snipers. Once you both do that, free fire to all grounded enemies. I'll get the snipers. Clear?"

EDI and Kaidan replied, "Clear."

"Okay. Now, let's move."

Shepard opened the shuttle's door and poked the nose of her weapon to aim for the snipers hiding behind a wall of plastic above on the balcony.

"Stay in cover. Go, go."

Kaidan and EDI crawled out and hid behind the half-broken wall of plastic next to the shuttle. Kaidan activated an overload on the Atlas and EDI spawned a decoy as told. Shepard took a shot at the first sniper, nearly getting a headshot but missing by what seemed to be an inch. EDI focused on the Atlas, incinerating it while Kaidan focused his attention on the assault troopers. The troopers would occasionally yell into their comm devices, informing the others of Shepard's presence and the action of venting the hangar.

"Commander!"

EDI was yelling over the sound of fire.

"EDI?"

"They mean to vent the hangar!"

"Not while I'm still in here!"

Shepard took a quick lucky shot at the first sniper, freezing her in a cryogenic stasis and deploying a concussive shot that hit the second sniper.

"Snipers down!"

"Assault troopers down!" Kaidan shouted.

"Atlas still active!" EDI yelled.

"Not for long!"

Shepard rolled out of cover and threw a frag grenade at the glass face of the Atlas and raised her arm in front of her face as the grenade detonated, leaving the Atlas in bits and pieces scattered all over the room. The explosion created a small cloud of smoke that lay in the area of where the Atlas once stood. Shepard pulled her arm from her face, breathing heavily.

"Atlas...down."

Kaidan walked towards Shepard, gun lowered.

"We have to find a way to stop Cerberus from venting the hanger."

"Yeah. EDI?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Any ideas?"

"If I can find an active console, I may be able to disrupt their plans."

"Good. Now-"

Shepard looked around the room for a console and occasionally looked along the balconies in which she found one near where the snipers were positioned.

"There's a console up there," she said pointing her gun at the location. "And there's a ladder. C'mon."

The three of them ran towards the ladder and climbed one by one up to the balcony. EDI immediately went to the console.

"Hangar vent procedure...disabled."

Shepard took a deep breath.

"Okay. Anything interesting Cerberus has planned for us?"

"Interesting may not be the most fitting word. Cerberus troops on their way to this location. I also have access to the Fighter Launch controls."

"How can that help us?"

"Well let us just say that it will be easier to open the door now."

EDI pressed a few button combinations and Shepard watched from the balcony as a Fighter turned to face the inside of the shuttle bay and launched straight into the wall, leaving a heap of smoke and a huge aperture outlined in sparks and broken metal. Shepard turned her head to look at Kaidan who had his eyebrows raised and a slight smirk overcoming his face.

"Well," Shepard said, walking towards him and patting him on the shoulder. "I guess that's one way to open a door. Let's go."

She sled down the ladder and ran towards the hole in the wall, climbing over the burning debris. EDI and Kaidan followed just steps behind her as respect of her leadership. Once Shepard helped the two hurdle safely over the broken bits of metal casing that once supported the wall, she turned to see a locked door to the left of her.

"EDI, can you unlock this door?"

"At once, Commander."

EDI quickly walked to the door and began overriding the lock with her Omnitool.

"Shepard, scans show troops fast approaching. It would be wise for you to ready your weapon."

"Noted. I'm glad you could make it EDI. If you hadn't come with us-"

"Cerberus would've vented the hanger."

"Thank you, EDI."

"I am pleased to assist."

The door swung open and EDI raised her pistol into the entrance.

"Clear."

Shepard and Kaidan moved in with their weapons in hand for their protection. They were in a white-tiled room. It was clean and furnished with only a large console against one of the walls. To the right of the console was another locked door.

"EDI, can you get that door opened?"

"Yes. Shepard, that console's drives contain information regarding your reconstruction. Still accessible."

Shepard hesitantly looked at the console, deciding whether to activate it or not. With her eyes closed tightly, she pressed on the switch. A video log appeared on the screen. Blurry but not indecipherable. There were two silhouettes, only one voice being recognizable.

**VIDEO LOG**

**Voice 1: "It can't be done. It's not a matter of resources."**

**Voice 2: "It's always a matter of resources. We're not losing Shepard."**

"Illusive Man," Shepard whispered under her breath.

**VIDEO LOG**

**Voice 1: "Sir, Shepard is clinically brain dead. After that much trauma, that long with no oxygen...we cannot overcome nature."**

**Illusive Man: "Operative Lawson disagrees. She is now in charge of Project Lazarus."**

The video log shut off and the room went silent. Shepard shook her head and looked at the floor.

"I didn't realize it was that bad."

Kaidan took a step closer to her from behind.

"I thought they had you on life support. Clinically brain dead?"

"I feel the same...the same as before. I doubt that I would be here infiltrating this base if I wasn't," she paused. "Maybe they did fix me...or...maybe I'm just a high-tech VI who thinks it's Commander Shepard. But-I don't know...I-"

Kaidan stepped closer, close enough for her to feel the warmth radiant of his skin and his breath.

"You're real enough for me."

His words wrapped around her like silk but pierced the heart leaving a feeling of comfort. Every breath he took she knew was genuine and just the simplest words put together proved that.

Shepard remained quiet and just pressed the switch again that led to another video log.

**VIDEO LOG**

**Voice 1: "Tissue regeneration proceeding. The helmet kept the brain intact...for whatever good that will do."**

**Illusive Man: "Lawson will find a way."**

**Voice 1: "Sir, Shepard is an Alliance soldier. As far as she knows, we're a terrorist organization."**

**Illusive Man: "Shepard's a soldier. She knows the Reapers are the real threat. She'll work with us."**

The video log shut off once again. Both Shepard and Kaidan stared at the console in disgust. Kaidan broke the silence.

"He knew you well."

"Every bit of me told me not to trust Cerberus. But I needed their damn help, so I played along."

"You were trying to protect humanity. You didn't really have a choice."

Shepard let his words sink in. Did he really believe that now? What about Horizon? It was stupid to think about bringing that up now. She pressed the switch again that activated a third video log.

**VIDEO LOG**

**Voice 1: "Project Lazarus is reporting neurological activity. They're requesting more funds."**

**Illusive Man: "Granted. Get me out potential recruits file. Shepard will be up soon and we need a crew.**

**Voice 2: "Our existing forces should be more than sufficient."**

**Illusive Man: "No. We need sympathetic faces. I need Shepard invested. Tap Kelly Chambers and recruit Donnelly. I imagine Daniels will follow. We want some old friends as well. Contact Dr. Chakwas and get a psych profile on Shepard's pilot. Also a bottle of '47 Thessia Red."**

"He used those people as a shield! You never saw what Cerberus _really_ was!"

Shepard turned to look at Kaidan. The realization of the Illusive Man screwing her over once again made her blood boil.

"But I should've."

"What do you mean, Shepard? Anyone in your situation would've done the same or maybe even worse!"

"Kaidan, you were with me on the SR1. You were there when I had to pay visits to Cerberus's little...project sites. You saw what I saw, what they did to people. Innocent people. How could I...even think to work with them?!"

"You did the right thing. You may not see it this way but you were in a way forced to work with them. Alliance wouldn't have done anything. Look at me! They sent me to Horizon thinking that Cerberus-_that you _were behind the human abductions!"

Shepard turned her face away from him, thinking about how the Illusive Man had used Kaidan as bait for the Collectors.

"Shepard, the Alliance was blind..._I was blind_," he grabbed Shepard's arm and tilted his head towards the floor. "Shepard, _I'm sorry_."

After just a moment, Shepard cleared her throat and looked back at EDI who had just opened the door.

"Let's go."

She put back her Black Widow and armed herself with a Mattock and quickly activated a Disrupter Ammo mod. Walking through the door, she was startled at the sudden sound of enemy fire.


End file.
